no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
