fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
