And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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