five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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