My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
