never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
