this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
