I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
