her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize