Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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