I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What a dumb baby whore.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
