Where did you get a picture of my penis
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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