would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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