I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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