is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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