I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
