1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
