So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize