You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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