you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
