you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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