he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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