Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

(512): View more from Texas

Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.

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(315): View more from New York

Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.

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(573): View more from Missouri

And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.

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