My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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