it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
