we're blogging at a bar
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
