the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
