So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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