i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
