Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ladies don't puke and tell
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
