I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize