i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i will never coherently bang her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
