Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
