butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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