Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I could fuck to npr.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
