Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
