Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
