You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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