her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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