I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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