Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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