Say something about gay babies.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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