Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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