I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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