You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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