you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
