I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
