you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
