I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
