Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
