One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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