Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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