I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
