I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
