I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
