Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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