We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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