I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
