I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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