I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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