I just saw a hot homeless man
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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