after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
