u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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