She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
