True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
