you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
