I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
