You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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