An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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