I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
