i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
