Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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