stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
