Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
