is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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