Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
